The first proper performance in the World Cup

Note: A friend who had gotten rather annoyed with my opinions on football asked me to write a commentary on the game yesterday, just to see if I would receive any hate mail. However, knowing that few people ever read my blog (and those who do wouldn’t care), I am pretty confident of getting none. Or so I would like to think.


Line-ups: The Aussies are playing a 4-5-1, apparently. Looks more like a 4-6-0 to me, since Cahill (a midfielder) is furthest forward.
The Germans have fielded a very young team, with few players I’ve ever heard of. What’s most surprising is Loew’s decision of playing Podolski up front despite the atrocious season he had at Cologne.

First 10 minutes:
Neuer, apparently Germany’s new No. 1 after all of their previous goalkeepers retired/ got run over by trains, combines with Lahm to stop a would-have-been shock Aussie goal.

Action at the opposite end. Klose, low on match practice and confidence, has his shot blocked by Schwarzer.

GOAL! Podolski scores with a hammer blow, forcing all of his critics (myself included) to eat humble sausage- pie. 1-0 Germany.

Oezil (one of the younger Germans) does a Greg Louganis. Yellow card for a clear dive.

20 minutes:

Garcia, much like his Australian teammates, seems rather bewildered by the two posts that the Germans seem to be kicking at so intently. His shot goes well wide of the target.

Podolski fails to connect with Muller’s cross. Klose misses a sitter shortly afterwards, and proceeds to clutch his head in his hands, possibly in an effort to hide his face in embarrassment. Will Germany rue their missed chances?

GOAL! Klose scores from Lahm’s cross, and yet again,his head does the trick. The commentator says he is now four goals short of the all- time highest world cup scorer, Ronaldo. I think he may already have the record for most headed goals in world cups.

30- something minutes: Oezil gets through the defence and chips Schwarzer. Lucas Neill has it covered though: he clears the ball just in front of the goal line. Action reminiscent of the Drogba- Cannavaro bit in Nike’s Write the Future advertisement.

40 minutes: Lahm, who has had a great game, puts another one into the penalty area. Khedira, apparently convinced that he is an Australian defender, heads the ball safely away from goal.

Half- time: Australia make a substitution. Nobody bothers to notice. This game is over. Could have been 6-0 by now.

50- something minutes: The Australians continue to shoot wide of the goal posts. To be fair, they would have scored a couple if these were Australian Rules Football goalposts.
Muller, too, shoots off target at the other end.

56 minutes: RED CARD! Tim Cahill is sent off, for what could only be described as half a tackle. He went in with his feet, and ended up catching Schweinstiger with his shins. Don’t know why the referee did that.

60- something minutes: Australia continue to make substitutions. I continue to ignore them.

Klose misses the target again. His feet just aren’t up to the task of scoring.

GOAL! Muller cuts inside the Aussie defence, and shoots on the turn, surely clinching the game with a third goal.

70- something minutes: GOAL! Cacau comes onto the field for Germany, Cacau scores for Germany. 4-0.
Gomez too comes on. So now, two Germans on the field are of Brazilian parentage.

Rest of the game: Australia continue to shoot in random directions.
Marin comes on for Podolski, makes a few good runs, troubles the Australian defence.
Nothing worth special mention.


6 Responses to “The first proper performance in the World Cup”

  1. Adhokshaj Says:

    Sounds like FIFA 2010 commentary on PSP. 🙂 Good!

  2. Vinayak Sapru Says:

    Thanks! Unfortunately, the game actually did go a bit like this.

  3. Pam Says:

    Thank you!

  4. Sam Says:


  5. Accelerate Eben Pagan Says:

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    describing the whole thing about that.

  6. Says:

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