Archive for June, 2010

Huh?

June 15, 2010

Note: This is a reference to Abbott and Costello’s ‘Who’s on first base’ routine. It is NOT inspired by a million crappy email forwards.
It is also not intended to be racist.

Maradona: Who is the coach of South Korea?
Messi: Hu is.
Maradona: Who?
Messi: Si. Hu is the coach of South Korea.
Maradona: What do you mean by that?
Messi: Hu is the coach of South Korea.
Maradona: But that’s what I’ve been asking all along!
Messi: What?
Maradona: Who is the coach of South Korea?
Messi: Yes, he is.
Maradona: How?
Messi: No, no. Hao plays midfield for China.
Maradona: Oh!
Messi: He’s a Korean defender, not the coach.
Maradona: And who is the coach?
Messi: Yes.
Maradona: Bwaah?!
Messi: Don’t know anyone by that name. An Egyptian, maybe?
Maradona: Shit!
Messi: That would be the English team.
Maradona: I’ll shoot myself if this goes on any longer!
Veron (angrily shouting out): He means ‘Hu’ the name, not the pronoun.
Maradona: I think I should go back to being fat and jobless. Life was so much simpler then.

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The first proper performance in the World Cup

June 14, 2010

Note: A friend who had gotten rather annoyed with my opinions on football asked me to write a commentary on the game yesterday, just to see if I would receive any hate mail. However, knowing that few people ever read my blog (and those who do wouldn’t care), I am pretty confident of getting none. Or so I would like to think.

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Line-ups: The Aussies are playing a 4-5-1, apparently. Looks more like a 4-6-0 to me, since Cahill (a midfielder) is furthest forward.
The Germans have fielded a very young team, with few players I’ve ever heard of. What’s most surprising is Loew’s decision of playing Podolski up front despite the atrocious season he had at Cologne.

First 10 minutes:
Neuer, apparently Germany’s new No. 1 after all of their previous goalkeepers retired/ got run over by trains, combines with Lahm to stop a would-have-been shock Aussie goal.

Action at the opposite end. Klose, low on match practice and confidence, has his shot blocked by Schwarzer.

GOAL! Podolski scores with a hammer blow, forcing all of his critics (myself included) to eat humble sausage- pie. 1-0 Germany.

Oezil (one of the younger Germans) does a Greg Louganis. Yellow card for a clear dive.

20 minutes:

Garcia, much like his Australian teammates, seems rather bewildered by the two posts that the Germans seem to be kicking at so intently. His shot goes well wide of the target.

Podolski fails to connect with Muller’s cross. Klose misses a sitter shortly afterwards, and proceeds to clutch his head in his hands, possibly in an effort to hide his face in embarrassment. Will Germany rue their missed chances?

GOAL! Klose scores from Lahm’s cross, and yet again,his head does the trick. The commentator says he is now four goals short of the all- time highest world cup scorer, Ronaldo. I think he may already have the record for most headed goals in world cups.

30- something minutes: Oezil gets through the defence and chips Schwarzer. Lucas Neill has it covered though: he clears the ball just in front of the goal line. Action reminiscent of the Drogba- Cannavaro bit in Nike’s Write the Future advertisement.

40 minutes: Lahm, who has had a great game, puts another one into the penalty area. Khedira, apparently convinced that he is an Australian defender, heads the ball safely away from goal.

Half- time: Australia make a substitution. Nobody bothers to notice. This game is over. Could have been 6-0 by now.

50- something minutes: The Australians continue to shoot wide of the goal posts. To be fair, they would have scored a couple if these were Australian Rules Football goalposts.
Muller, too, shoots off target at the other end.

56 minutes: RED CARD! Tim Cahill is sent off, for what could only be described as half a tackle. He went in with his feet, and ended up catching Schweinstiger with his shins. Don’t know why the referee did that.

60- something minutes: Australia continue to make substitutions. I continue to ignore them.

Klose misses the target again. His feet just aren’t up to the task of scoring.

GOAL! Muller cuts inside the Aussie defence, and shoots on the turn, surely clinching the game with a third goal.

70- something minutes: GOAL! Cacau comes onto the field for Germany, Cacau scores for Germany. 4-0.
Gomez too comes on. So now, two Germans on the field are of Brazilian parentage.

Rest of the game: Australia continue to shoot in random directions.
Marin comes on for Podolski, makes a few good runs, troubles the Australian defence.
Nothing worth special mention.

Absence of evidence IS evidence of absence

June 11, 2010

The other day, I came across a rather illuminating little proof.


Taken from Kim Oyhus’ website.

For those of us who don’t remember Bayesian probability too well, ponder this:
A= You have a Body Mass Index over 25.
B= You’re obese.

Having a BMI over 25 means you’re obese.

An absence of any proof that your BMI is over 25 means that you’re probably not obese, because there are fewer obese people.
QED.

I now wish that people nuts would stop misquoting Carl Sagan by saying “Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence” whenever they talk about UFOs, alien abductions, telekinesis, conspiracy theories, and other miscellaneous bullshit.

The worst mascots in Olympic history

June 2, 2010

I always thought that Atlanta 96’s Izzy would be a little hard to top, but the British have succeeded where even the Chinese failed.

They came up with these two hideous alien- like creatures with incredibly weird names and bodies. Apparently, these were meant to appeal to children. If I were a child, I think these images would give me nightmares. They look like the product of an unholy communion between R2D2, C3PO and those two aliens from the Simpsons.